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[constellational]

𝚅𝙾𝙸𝙲𝙴 | 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 | 𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽

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[spaceassassin]

[ now that the focus is turned on him, keith grows quieter and quieter. whereas before he’d had plenty to say in regards of shiro’s predicament, here, he goes mostly mute. it’s unintentional uncooperativeness. he knows shiro is worried and he doesn’t want him to be worried, but he doesn’t know how else to ease his best friend when he himself fails to comprehend why he’s bothered in the first place. he said he isn’t throwing up flowers; over, done, case closed. what else is there to be concerned about when, frankly, there are much more important things to worry about? much more important people?

at least he stays seated. he still feels it at times, the age-old urge to run when he feels out of depth and floundering, but he stays the current course, shrugging once, shrugging twice to those first two questions. he doesn’t know – maybe? he’s not holed up in his bed, stuffing kleenex up his nose or trying to break a fever. he’s no doctor – everyone’s favorite line to say around here – but he doesn’t think his lymph nodes are swollen and he’s definitely not suffering from malaise. he’s still rearing to get to the library and read text until he goes cross-eyed or finds a cure, whichever comes first.

but then there’s a third question.

keith doesn’t mean to laugh. it isn’t the right kind of laugh, either. it’s a quiet thing, though sharp and quick. he gives shiro a perplexed look, mouth twisted up in a smile that doesn’t go with his eyes. ] Heh. Funny. I’m not built for that sort of thing.

[ thing. relationships. love. forever and always. most everyone in his life leaves or lets him leave. once upon a time, he knew better than to ever get attached to someone else. nowadays, it still mostly stays true, albeit for one obvious exception. he came out of galaxy garrison with no friends. team voltron keeps on fine without him. the blades don’t do connections because they compromise the mission. so really, shiro. who would he be in love with? ]

[constellational]

⟪ first of all, ouch. second of all; yeah, who could he possibly be in love with???? it’s a mystery. but third of all, fucking ouch. it’s an arrow through shiro’s chest, which is already a mess; his eyes grow wide with shock, old sorrows coiling within. keith. abandoned just often enough to believe himself undeserving of love. a broken afterthought, never given much of a chance to flourish. there are people for whom romance is undesired, solitude preferred, though this is something else. it’s not even just romance, in keith’s case. he’s always been reluctant to forge bonds with people, the threat of being left again always looming a little too close. there’s a reason he tries so goddamn hard for shiro, and honestly, it breaks his heart. ⟫

Keith… ⟪ eyebrows pinched and pained, shiro mentally chastises himself for even mentioning anything. keith isn’t the boy he once were, granted, but some wounds are deeper than others. ⟫ Don’t say that. ⟪ it’s almost a plea. there’s nothing accusatory in his tone, or commanding for that matter.

he reaches out, loosely wrapping his hand around keith’s forearm, near the wrist. ⟫ There’s no such a thing as being unfit for love. You deserve to be loved, we all do. You are. ⟪ loved, and he nods as he says the words, as if to emphasize them, make them even stronger. ⟫ And you’re capable of it, too.

[spaceassassin]

[ obviously, shiro was never going to let keith get away with saying that. obviously, shiro would rush to his defense. still, for someone who routinely expects nothing, the grasp of shiro’s hand has keith stumbling over a breath. he goes tense for a split second, but it’s shiro, seeking out connection and hoping to invoke comfort, so of course keith has little defense for that. relaxing, keith waits out shiro’s words, measuring out the pros and cons of refuting those hallmark, overly optimistic views on love. no, not everyone deserves love. and no, the universe does not owe it to anyone to will it. the only thing anyone can truly count on is that reality is cruel and unfair, the prospect of finding that one person who supposedly completes you so astronomically slim that keith doesn’t know why anyone bothers.

then again, is keith actually missing that? yes and no.

he continues to stare at the loose wrap of fingers and then slowly, shyly, draws his gaze up to find shiro’s ever concerned eyes. he’s capable of it, huh? ]

I guess. [ he could leave it at that. he probably should leave it at that. but his mind is digging up memory and he thinks of the one and only time he’s ever said the words. it has his chest aching and his stomach unsettling, suddenly feeling wrong on a visceral level that runs throughout. shiro never got to hear, did he? does he even know? if anyone deserves to be loved and to know they’re loved, it’s shiro. that’s all it takes. a mix of obligation, guilt, and ever potent care has keith fumbling through the words. ]

I mean – I love you. I said it before, to the clone, but I… I wanna say it to you, too. [ he swallows thickly, voice a touch hoarse with emotion. ] Because you’re my best friend. My brother. [ a breath and now a steadier: ] I love you.

[constellational]

⟪ okay, sure. maybe not everyone deserves love, but keith. pls. he’s not going to get into specifics when you’re the whole thing that matters here. forgive him if he’s a little biased, vision keith-colored… which is, granted, slightly hypocritical of him. shiro would probably share similar thoughts, if roles were reversed — aka, who could possibly love him. or better yet, who should. the list is practically blank, but without at least a modicum of vain hopes and blind ambitions, what else could tether them to a semblance of normalcy? to sanity? shiro didn’t make it this far by delving deep below the surface, because if he did, he might have disappeared much sooner. he’s still a fraud, isn’t he. he knows what dwells there, the dregs of humankind, its cruelty and its flaws, and still he throws pipe dreams all over the place as if to mask reality. he does believe in people. in their capacity to do great. he just isn’t sure whether the universe is on par with his efforts anymore, and he’s. so tired.

but keith. keith is a diamond in the rough, the epitome of resilience, a supernova. he’s inspired shiro so many times, directly and indirectly, that he should probably be considered the real mentor between them. shiro, for lack of a better word, failed him. keith would disagree, the same way he hesitantly accepts shiro’s reassurances—neither of them see themselves in the same light the other does, and it pains him. it’s what he looks like, probably, as keith acquiesces. pained. i guess, he says, but his mouth keeps moving and shiro is inadvertently struck dumb, gaping like a stranded fish.

i love you. fuck, it hurts. sweetly. bitterly. it hurts and his eyes water, and a chuckle-snort escapes his throat, swollen. keith looks so damn vulnerable. it brings back fragmented memories, not even his own, barely discernible in the back of his mind, where fog thickens. his jaw tightens. he huffs a breath through gritted teeth, blinking too fast, and then he nods, silent, momentarily dreading what his voice might sound like if he spoke. when he finally dares to catch his gaze, his own shifts, longing warring with heartbreak across his face. ⟫

I love you too, Keith. ⟪ his smile trembles, overwhelmed; he stares deeper into the midnight blue of his eyes, chest constricted. bewitched. ⟫ So much. ⟪ murmured. almost a private thing to himself, pupils dilating as quickly as his pulse increases. look away, and ultimately, he does, leaning back and groaning on a small laugh. ⟫ Alright. Enough with the sentimental lessons. ⟪ he manages a decent grin, casually rubbing at the moisture on his cheek. ⟫ Gotta keep some of that water for my inner garden.

[spaceassassin]

[ if he loves him, why does he look so… so… – keith can’t place it. miserable? no. he’s smiling and it’s true, albeit weakened. it’s simply – a lot. overwhelmed? that comes to him next but it doesn’t take. keith certainly isn’t someone to get all tangled up inside over. it’s a comfort, though, despite the mild confusion keith harbors for the strain of shiro’s expression and intensity of his gaze. keith tries not to assume or take for granted anything of importance when it comes to shiro, but admittedly, he’s allowed himself to believe that their bond is everlasting. yes, their bond, not the one manufactured by this place. so even though they’ve never said it openly to each other, he’s thought… he’s hoped that shiro loves him just as much. recent events have faltered that belief, mainly due to his own perceived failures, but if shiro is saying it now…

he draws a full breath, not a single twinge or ache of discomfort pulling at his chest. even the pinpricks low in his throat that jar with a swallow are suddenly less. what… – did something…

but he never finishes the thought. all curiosity for himself is shelved because that sheen to shiro’s eyes isn’t him catching the light. shiro wipes at his face and he’s… crying…? confusion rushes, panic induces, shock encapsulates… and then, of course, shiro is making a stupid joke that isn’t even funny, but blindsided as he is, keith can’t help the shocked huff of laughter. one, two, and then it’s over, his breath steadying and expression sobering, though it hopelessly keeps that pinched hint of distress.

time to move on. that’s what shiro wants to do, so keith wrestles down his desire to ask obvious questions. the least he can do is show shiro the curtesy of not drawing attention to what he clearly doesn’t want to dwell on. ]

Okay. [ it doesn’t do well to sound so miserable. he gives his head a shake and then pushes himself to his feet, hand already held out in offer to shiro, who, of course, doesn’t need help, even though he’s tiny these days. he second guesses himself actually, not wanting to give off the impression that he thinks shiro is weak and so, he takes his hand back shortly after extending it, fiddling with the hem of his shirt instead. ]

If we’re done here, we need to get to the library. The sooner we start looking, the sooner we’ll find a cure. [ to one, two, maybe even three of shiro’s ailments. ]