[ that was definitely not what he was expecting! having people ask him to teach them is always complicated for chu wanning, quite flustering. As he reads the message, he can almost feel a shift, his shadow blossoming under the weight of emotions chu wanning prefers to ignore.
he's a terrible teacher. temperamental and grouchy and a perfectionist. unable to connect to people. he failed his students already, dying on them— even if he had managed to keep them safe, what kind of a teacher leaves disciples behind, especially in their prime, when they needed guidance more than ever? wouldn't they have all been better served by studying under someone else, someone nice and affable, who didn't terrify his students and who knew how to comfort them?
the quiet voice in the back of his head whispers to him about how he'll just fail shiro the same way he failed his disciples. self-loathing rises up, threatening to choke him, so much more intense than his usual brand of loathing that he has to put the phone down and walk away. he's lucky that it's habit never to talk to people about his emotional state and that it's easy for him to move through the day without expressing any dismay or vocalizing his doubts, even if he is slightly more snappish than usual. he's useless; why bother?
he wants to help. no one else besides mo ran could teach someone to cultivate, as far as he knows, and he won't put that burden on mo ran, not when chu wanning is the elder and a teacher already. will it help? he has doubts. but the place they're in isn't kind, and there's no telling what could help in the long run.
one more student wouldn't hurt, especially in this place where he has only one, and mo ran doesn't need his guidance so much anymore. he's useless, as his shadow reminds him, but maybe he can be of some help. even the tiniest bit.
he responds the next day. it's not... positive. but it's also not a 'no.' ]
Developing a core is an arduous process, especially if you are older.
⟪ he’s watched and read enough wuxia to know that he doesn’t exactly qualify, but eh, what the hell. he’s dead. for the second time. aside from his sanity—which is teetering at the edge of a precipice—there isn’t much else to lose. his dignity, maybe, but even that has seen better days.
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no subject
I'm rambling
I was wondering if you could maybe teach me... cultivation?
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he's a terrible teacher. temperamental and grouchy and a perfectionist. unable to connect to people. he failed his students already, dying on them— even if he had managed to keep them safe, what kind of a teacher leaves disciples behind, especially in their prime, when they needed guidance more than ever? wouldn't they have all been better served by studying under someone else, someone nice and affable, who didn't terrify his students and who knew how to comfort them?
the quiet voice in the back of his head whispers to him about how he'll just fail shiro the same way he failed his disciples. self-loathing rises up, threatening to choke him, so much more intense than his usual brand of loathing that he has to put the phone down and walk away. he's lucky that it's habit never to talk to people about his emotional state and that it's easy for him to move through the day without expressing any dismay or vocalizing his doubts, even if he is slightly more snappish than usual. he's useless; why bother?
he wants to help. no one else besides mo ran could teach someone to cultivate, as far as he knows, and he won't put that burden on mo ran, not when chu wanning is the elder and a teacher already. will it help? he has doubts. but the place they're in isn't kind, and there's no telling what could help in the long run.
one more student wouldn't hurt, especially in this place where he has only one, and mo ran doesn't need his guidance so much anymore. he's useless, as his shadow reminds him, but maybe he can be of some help. even the tiniest bit.
he responds the next day. it's not... positive. but it's also not a 'no.' ]
Developing a core is an arduous process, especially if you are older.
no subject
chu wanning’s cautious answer doesn’t deter him. ⟫
Ah, I’ve been through rigorous training before
Discipline’s not a problem
⟪ SO BRING IT. ⟫
Unless you’re telling me there’s zero chance of success
Otherwise, I’m all in
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But if you are willing, we can start with meditation.
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Slim sounds great!
When do we start?
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